Thursday, January 8, 2009

MRPFDDDPR

Our Press Release Today...

Boston, MA - The Massachusetts Republican Party today announced the creation of a formula to calculate what the actual size of the pay raise for the DiMasi Democrats should be.

MassGOP Communications Director Barney Keller said, “While the DiMasi Democrats may think they deserve a pay raise, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to calculate the amount they should get. All anyone has to do is take into account several variables, and then multiply that number by the amount of property tax relief that Deval Patrick has delivered to the people of Massachusetts. No matter how we calculated it, our analysis concluded that the amount of the raise should be exactly zero.”

The Massachusetts Republican Party’s formula for determining the DiMasi Democrats Pay Raise (MRPFDDDPR)

  1. The amount of State Senators forced to resign in 2008 = 2
  2. Multiply by the amount Governor Patrick pays Massachusetts for the Cadillac: 2 x 543 = 1086
  3. Add the increase in the unemployed under the Democrats failed economic agenda: 1086 + 42,297 = 43,383
  4. Divide by the number of counts in the indictment against DiMasi friend Richard Vitale: 43,383 / 7 = 6198
  5. Take Transportation Secretary Jim “Big Dig” Aloisi’s salary, and divide it by the result of Step 4: 150,000 / 6198 = 24
  6. Add the amount of money raised by State Treasurer Tim Cahill for his potential primary challenge against Governor Patrick: 24 + 145,000 = 145,024
  7. Multiply that by the amount of money Governor Patrick made as a member of the board of Subprime lender Ameriquest: 145,024 x 360,000 = 52,208,640,000
  8. Divide by the amount of Governor Patrick’s book deal: 52,208,640,000 / 1,350,000 = 38673
  9. Add $657,000,000 in new taxes last year: 657,000,000 + 38673 = 657,038,673
  10. Multiply that number by the amount of property tax relief given to the people of Massachusetts, as promised* by Candidate Deval Patrick: 657,038,673 x 0 = 0

Final Suggested MRPFDDDPR Pay Raise = $0.00

*"I believe a rational revenue structure, sensible tax policy and fair distribution of state resources to cities and towns – so that property taxes can be lowered and kept low – are essential elements of a true partnership between state and local government" (Deval Patrick – ‘Moving Massachusetts Forward’ p. 36)